“I’m sorry, but can I have your life, please?”

On querying, writers’ groups, and The Process™.

Over the past three months, I’ve gone from “someone working on a book who mostly knows other writers online” to “someone who is actively querying a finished manuscript to agents and is part of a local writers’ group that actually meets up in person.” 

Crazy, right? More on the querying in a sec, but I want to talk about the writers’ group first. 

Our meetings are essentially full-day events hosted at the home of the extremely generous

Caroline Fowler Davis

, a local YA author. The format is simple: bring food and laptops, put food in fridge/on the counter far out of dog reach, briefly chit-chat, sit down for a timed 90-minute writing sprint, water/bathroom break, another 90-minute writing sprint, then a potluck lunch where we sit around talking about what we’re working on. 

The whole thing wraps up with a big group picture where we all pose with copies of books published by various members. Nobody is allowed to hold a copy of their own book, which I think is kind of cool and encourages us to promote each other’s work in one big happy, caffeinated family of writers. 

Photo credit: Caroline Davis. Puppy: Fletcher. 

I love these meetups. They’re so much fun, and they’ve been a game-changer for how I approach the next steps with this first novel of mine. The members range from people like me, who are working on or have just finished their first novel, to experienced authors who have agents and multiple books published by major publishers. The agented/published authors have been so generous with their real, honest advice about the industry, and it’s been really helpful to have a whole supportive group of people I can go to with dumb questions. 

But the first time I ever went, I have to admit I was intimidated as all hell and not a little envious of the agented/published authors as I listened to them talk about their projects. Here were people who had everything I wanted. People who had made it to the top of the proverbial slush pile and had agents working to sell their books. People who had deals announced on Publishers Marketplace, held book signings, been reviewed, and could bring real live physical copies of their books wherever they went. 

And yet, they still had problems: low attendance at signings, snarky reviews on GoodReads, no attention from their publishers’ marketing team. 

It reminded me of one time about ten years ago, when I was living in Washington, D.C. I worked in the Watergate building at the time, and was up to my ears in life and job demands. I was struggling and overwhelmed and in over my head. At the end of one long week, I went downstairs to the nail salon on the ground floor to make my hands look pretty for one of the estimated 1,582 weddings I was attending or in that year. 

Because I’m an incorrigible extrovert who will talk to a brick wall, I started making small talk with a college student sitting in the salon chair next to me. After I finished telling her that I was on the way out of town to go to a wedding with my boyfriend, and “a little stressed” (read: on the verge of hyperventilating) about all the work I would come back to, she interrupted me and said: 

“I’m sorry, but can I have your life, please?” 

I had no idea what to say so I laughed awkwardly, mumbling something about how she didn’t, really. She went on: 

“You’re a real adult. You’ve got a boyfriend, your own apartment, and a good job.” 

I demurred again, saying something about how the job wasn’t that great, and I didn’t make enough money to justify all the hours I put in (it’s true, I was underpaid). She paused, looked me in the eye, and ended with this zinger: 

“You’ve got enough money to get your nails done, at least.” 

The point of this story isn’t to say “suck it up, somebody’s always got it worse, quit complaining, you snowflake.” The point is that I remembered how there is always someone who wants to be where we are, no matter where you are in The Process™ or how you feel about your accomplishments. They matter, you matter, and someone else looks up to you. 

Obviously, the challenges that everyone faces, from the unagented baby writer to the multi-published author, are real and valid. BUT, to anyone who has been published, is on submission to publishers, has an agent, or has even figured out WTF to write their second book about, I just have to say: “I’m sorry, but can I have your life, please?” 

Querying Update

OK, now for the promised querying update: I did it! I’m querying! 

What that means, for the non-writers: I’ve gotten my novel manuscript to a place where I feel like it’s pretty polished and ready for the eyes of agents. I’m now sending query letters telling prospective agents what my book is about, with an excerpt of my first pages, and hoping they will respond with requests to read the full manuscript (or at least more of it). The hope is that one of them will like it enough to want to represent me, and then in turn send it out on submission to publishers, one of whom will hopefully like it enough to buy it and publish it. There will be a lot more edits along the way, of course. It’s going to be a couple of years before it sees the light of day if it goes on this traditional publishing path, but I wanted to give it the old college try. 

My stats so far: 

• Queries sent: 38

• Rejections: 6

• Partial manuscript requests: 2

• Full manuscript requests: 5

• Refreshes of my email inbox, waiting for responses: The limit does not exist.  

If you’d like more up-to-date commentary on the querying process, feel free to follow @sarahflockenwrites on Instagram, the only social media platform my elder millennial brain currently has regular bandwidth for. More to come!